The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Handling Difficult Employees

By Robert Bacal

The Complete Idiot's Guide To Handling Difficult Employees, released in June, 2000, and written by Robert Bacal is written for people who work with difficult employees. While the book presents solutions from the manager's point of view, the principles and realities presented in the book are sure to help anyone stuck with working with a difficult employee. Coming in in excess of 300 pages, it is a hands-on practical guide, with just enough theory to help you make intelligent decisions about how to handle those difficult people. We've provided some chapter excerpts and table of contents for your convenience. The final book version may differ slightly from the information presented here. Available in bookstores, you can save by buying at amazon.com by clicking on the cover to the right.

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What Are Difficult People After?

We’ve explained part of the why of difficult behavior, but there’s still more to the picture. Apart from having learned that difficult behavior is rewarding or lacking the skills to handle a situation better or even being upset, what is it that those darn people want?

Another way of putting it is: If people are difficult because they tend to be rewarded for it, what are the rewards?

From the Manager’s Desk

Some people will respond positively to the things that give them a sense of control. You might try giving a difficult person more responsibility, or soliciting their input more often to see if that has a positive effect.

On the surface of it the whole thing is very puzzling. People who act difficult don’t appear to get what they want. They create grief, not only for others, but for themselves, as people get tired of their acts or react negatively to them. Putting aside that squeaky wheels often get greased, are there some forms of psychological reward that are attached to difficult behavior? Yes, there are, and you need to understand them so you can make sure that these rewards don’t encourage more difficult behavior.

We’re going to look at the most common “rewards” or what people are after in a psychological sense. Again, we need to caution you that many of us, at one time or another, allow these rewards to drive our behavior.

Sense of Control

Perhaps many, if not all individuals have a need to feel in control of their lives and what’s going on around them. Very few people feel comfortable with the idea that their lives and welfare—present and future—are totally beyond their own control. For many the feeling of helplessness associated with things out of control is scary. That’s pretty normal. Most people aren’t “control freaks” but want some feeling of control over what happens to them.

How does this link up with being rewarded for bad behavior or why people are sometimes difficult?

Simple. Many of the difficult things people do have, at their core, the outcome of controlling the situation or other people’s reactions. A person being difficult and creating problems is, in a sense, controlling those around him or her. People react to a difficult person. That allows a difficult person to manipulate, control, and influence, even if the reactions are negative. In a sense, the difficult person is creating those reactions, and there lies the reinforcement. It’s kind of like parents and children. Once children know what the parents don’t want them to do, they have the exact information they need to get the parents’ attention.

Insider Secrets

Some people really are control freaks and want power over others. Most people want something that’s less problematic—some sense that they are in control of their own destiny and not hurtling out of control. Interestingly, there are also some people who are comfortable not being in control because they believe that no matter what they do, others are going to determine what happens to them.

It’s a psychological reward. Even if bad things happen to a person who is difficult, they have created them, and that has, at least for some people, a sense of being in control.

Straw That Stirs The Drink

If you are an old baseball fan you might recall that Reggie Jackson, who played for the Oakland Athletics and the New York Yankees, described himself as the “straw that stirs the drink.” What he meant by this was that, among the 25 players on the team, it was Reggie who was at the center—the player who made things happen. (As an aside he may have been right.)

It’s about ego, really. Some people need to feel they are the central attraction, the star performer, the wonderboy, and that can create problems for others. This particular motivation, of course, causes problems in and of itself, because the attitude is really annoying. But more than that, it explains what some difficult people are after with their difficult behavior.

For example, let’s consider Marie. She’s bright and a good performer but is seen as difficult and hard to deal with by those around her. Why? Because she acts as if she’s perfect. She “knows it all,” doesn’t listen to others, interrupts, and doesn’t take management guidance (she actually ignores it). What does she get out of those behaviors?

From the Manager’s Desk

True star performers who want to be the straw that stirs the drink are hard to deal with. You need to decide if treating someone like a star is likely to make them less difficult or more difficult. It’s tough to know in advance.

First, she gets away with it. People often defer to her because she is often (but not always) right. Or they defer because it’s easier than trying to have an intelligent dialogue with her.

Second, she’s acting like she’s the star performer. She’s reinforcing that she is special or better than others—she’s the straw that stirs the drink every time she behaves this way. She is a legend in her own mind and becomes the star every time she acts like the star.

I’m Not Much So I Have a Lot to Prove

While the person who wants to be the straw that stirs the drink really does think he or she is special and worthy of star status, the “I’m not much but I have a lot to prove” person comes from a different place. Their difficult behavior comes from a need to prove something, to others but also to themselves.

Often difficult interpersonal behavior comes from people who have this strong, almost compulsive need to show themselves and others that they are worth something. So, it isn’t that they are evil or intentionally unpleasant. Rather it is that they are often desperate.

A Reaction—I Need A Reaction

This motivation is actually linked to the other ones we have talked about so far. Believe it or not, some people seem driven by a desire to cause reactions in other people. It’s almost like they don’t believe they are alive and breathing unless they can cause something in people around them. What’s odd about such people is they don’t seem to care whether they generate a positive reaction, like praise, or a negative reaction, like being yelled at. They seem to gain some psychological satisfaction from either.

Is it wanting to control others? Could be. A desire to be the center of attention? Sure. However what is important with people who are driven to create reactions is to not give them what they want, which is some emotional reaction. That means keeping their behavior in perspective so you don’t reward bad behavior.

Weird Biology—Weird Science

Some difficult people actually act out in difficult ways because of their biology. As scientists develop a better understanding of the brain, we will probably find out that more and more difficult behavior can be explained by biological factors.

We mention this here to help you understand that difficult behavior may not be under the complete conscious control of the person doing it. And so you might add a dash of compassion to your negative reactions. The truth is some people (and we don’t know how many) can’t help it.

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