How do we unintentionally invalidate the feelings of another person during conversation?

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When we are arguing or trying to convince or persuade, our concern is not oriented towards the feelings of the other person. So, we may intentionally ignore them. However, in most communication, we want to acknowledge and "validate" the feelings and emotions of the other person, both because it's really the right thing to do, and because doing so has huge practical implications for the conversation. When you invalidate the feelings or experience of the other person, you set up argument or defensiveness, or hurt feelings.

A lot of times, because we are well meaning, we may accidentally negate the other person's feelings, and then end up surprised when the other person gets upset with us.

For example, "inappropriate reassurance" can be problematic in this respect. Let's say you have a friend who is upset about being dumped by his girlfriend. He talks to you about how painful it is, and you pull out: "You'll find someone else."

Which is probably true. It's also true there are "a lot of fish in the sea", and "you'll get over it", and even, "time heals all wounds", but all of those do not validate the poor fellow's feelings NOW. He's not feeling positive NOW. He's not an idiot and knows there's a lot of fish in the sea, but he's not there, yet.

By using these well intended reassurances when the other person is experiencing emotional upset, you end up appearing supportive in one sense (being positive), but non-supportive in the sense of understanding, and demonstrating understanding of the other person's emotional state.